Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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