so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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