Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
