And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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