Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
