dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
