My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
