i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
