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call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
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