girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
