If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Are my feet made of real feet?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Randomize
