First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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