dude i'm inner monologue high
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
