I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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