I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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