Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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