Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Randomize
