Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
