I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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