it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
