Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We had sex on a dog bed..
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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