No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
