Say something about gay babies.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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