Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
