So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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