the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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