my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize