i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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