I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
