i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
