just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
