Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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