ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
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my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
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Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We are all done wearing pants today
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You left your phone here
Wait...
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