I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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