Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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