your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
