i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
