Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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