Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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