I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
