there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
as a side note pls kill me
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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