She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize