I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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