I showed him my bush... on skype.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
