whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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