now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
