He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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