there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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