She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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