he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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