there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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