my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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