I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
