Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
