Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
