Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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