i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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