i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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