You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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