I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
