Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
