Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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